How Adults Can Support the Mental Health of Black Children
Psychologist Riana Elyse Anderson explains how families can communicate about race and cope with racial stress and trauma.
This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.
With his last breaths, George Floyd called out, “Momma!” before he was killed in Minneapolis. He was one of nearly 1,300 black people who have been killed by police in the last five years. They are two times more likely to be killed by police than white Americans.
Facing destructive policies and attitudes in the United States, mothers and fathers try to safeguard their black children from racism. This often takes the form of preparing them for bias and communicating the real threats to their lives from a history of othering that continues today. But it also involves highlighting how to draw from a well of strengths that black culture and black families—immediate, extended, and historical—possess.
To better understand this process, we interviewed Dr. Riana Elyse Anderson, clinical and community psychologist and professor of public health at the University of Michigan. Anderson developed Engaging, Managing, and Bonding through Race (EMBRace), a program to help families communicate about race, cope with racial stress and trauma, and build strong relationships and well-being. Below, she explains how black parents can support their children’s mental health, and their own.
Maryam Abdullah: Your research focuses on how black families use racial socialization to protect their children in the face of pervasive racial stress and trauma. What is racial socialization?
Riana Elyse Anderson: Socialization, generally, is the statements that parents are making to their children about how to think or behave in the world. Some common examples of that might be “Look both ways before you cross the street,” or “Don’t touch that iron. It’s hot.” For gender socialization, we’re familiar with suggestions of which sports to play between girls and boys, as a crude example.
Racial socialization is the behaviors and the attitudes being passed down from parent to child with respect to race in particular. Some of those might be wearing certain kente cloth if you’re going to celebrate Kwanzaa or if you’re going to the National African American Museum in Washington, D.C., to celebrate your culture. Those are some of the more positive ones. Unfortunately, we also have to think about “Keep your hands on 10 and 2,” “You can’t wear your hoodie in the store,” or “You have to work twice as hard to get half as far” as some of those elements that are part of “the talk,” the racial socialization talk.
MA: How does racial socialization help black children cope with racial stress?
REA: We’re talking to our children about what it is that mommy or daddy experienced or what they see in the world. We’re able to have that conversation between parent and child, rather than the children not really having a space to ask what’s going on and why so many people are upset or frustrated—or seeing people like them on the news either being snuffed out or arrested for uprising, and then wondering or just keeping it to themselves. That opens up lines of communication, and it doesn’t stop there.
After that line of communication opens up, we get to practice and talk through what it is that we would want to do as a parent or as a child—a series of coping strategies. Do I want to sit here on the couch? (which is totally fine if I want to do that). Do I want to go out and protest? Do I want to write a letter to someone? Do I want to not support a certain business? Now I have options of the things that I want to do, and I feel more efficacious in my ability to execute any of them because I’ve talked with my family about that.
Talking to our family, thinking about strategies, and supporting our children in their ability to execute those strategies is how racial socialization works.
MA: In EMBRace, children and parents work together on a variety of practices. Can you share one?
REA: We use a family tree exercise. Before we even meet with the family about their family tree, we ask them to do some digging. Tell us a bit about who your family members are, who your support system is, then go ahead and put that on this family tree.
Then, demonstrate on this family tree how big and resourceful your community, your garden, your village is. Now you’re seeing, OK, my grandma is with me, my aunts are with me—especially as a child, I can rely on all these people.
And even though I don’t know Michelle Obama, she feels like an auntie to me, so I’m going to put her on my [family] tree. We have a space for greater community influences. OK, Rosa Parks passed away before I was here, but I know that there are streets named after her in Detroit and she’s given a lot of support to black people like me, so I’m going to put her [on].
You start to understand there are people who have come before you and who will come after you who will continue this really rich tradition of who we are and how wonderful our people are. You’re now demonstrating and seeing that I have a whole community who has my back in a time where George Floyd’s life was taken from us in the most violent and visible way. To know that there are millions of people, who now count him as our brother and that he now has as his family, continuing on his legacy, speaks to what it is that we’re trying to do here within EMBRace. We have a whole group of people who are going to support you should you need us. You don’t have to take this racist event by yourself. You can come to your family and that family is an extended family.
MA: What’s important for parents to know about when and how to speak to their young children about racism?
REA: I want you to think about this concept of racial literacy that psychologist Dr. Howard C. Stevenson talks about. Racial literacy pretty much means you’re not going to give a Shakespearean novel to a three year old. You’re going to give an age-appropriate reading book or coloring book to that child, and you all are going to work up gradually to the understanding of what literacy means for their age. We don’t ask you to go beyond your child’s level.
When we’re saying we’re afraid to talk to our children about race, it’s not for them; it’s because we are afraid, if we’re being honest. We don’t know how to talk about it and we’re concerned. What we encourage in EMBRace is to think about your competency, rather than your content—to focus first on building your own skills, confidence, and resilience to stress in these conversations before talking with children.
Skills: Becoming more skillful at these kinds of interactions might involve preparation for and practice using inquiries or questions to ask our kids: “What did you notice?” or “How did that make you feel?”
Confidence: Confidence comes from practicing it more. Maybe that means you practice with yourself in the mirror like you do when you go to your job interview. Maybe you practice it with your loved one. You’re unpacking for yourself first.
Stress: If you go into it without having spoken about it, without thinking about what it means for yourself, you’re going to be highly stressed the entire time you talk to your child. But you can focus on “What are the things that are within my control when I talk to my child? Maybe I can’t change the entire police system, but I can help my child to navigate that one specific thing that they have going on. What can I do today?” That will reduce stress in that moment, along with practice and with inquiry-based questions.
Your child is never too young to have any discussion about it, but you don’t want them to have the most stressful and the most strenuous conversations. You’re the expert, you’re the parent, you already know what [the right level of conversation] is. It’s time for you to take your fear away from your child being the best that they can be.
MA: What further advice do you have for parents right now as they help their children cope with the trauma of current events?
REA: We’re thinking about this idea of “the talk.” Sometimes people have it once and they say, “Done. Great. Did my job.” Then they walk away.
If you think about how frequently you have to tell your child to pick up toys, buckle their safety belt, and clean up after themselves, we understand that having the racial talk once is not sufficient. So, yes, these events are current and, yes, it feels so imminent and so important that we have this conversation right now. There’s a lot going on in the media. There’s a lot going on that your children are hearing or experiencing and they have access to it in ways that years ago children would not have.
At this moment, you should be having conversations with your child. And next week when the protests have died down, you should continue having conversations with your child. And the month after that, you should continue. And weeks after that. At this point, the amount of content in books or media that is around you makes it possible to create a consistent environment. If that practice becomes consistent enough where you are bringing it up and you are letting them know this is an expectation you have for conversation, they will feel comfortable enough bringing it to you: “Mom, I noticed this.”
Use things in the environment, use things in your media, use things in books to ask your child what is it that they’re seeing, how can you support them through this, how do they feel about it?
MA: How can parents take care of their own well-being so they’re in the best position to help their kids?
REA: Our own well-being is compromised right now. We know that anxiety and depression are up three times the amount that they were in January. We are not doing well as a nation right now. If you need time as a parent to step away from this media and these types of conversations, remember that you are a human being, first and foremost—you’re not daddy or mommy first. You really are a human being who needs rest, restoration, self-care, love. There are tasks that parents have that are beyond description. You’re being asked to provide in ways that just defy the amount of energy you might have most days, especially in a stay-at-home-order situation where you are the go-to principal, teacher, nurse, etc.
Unless your child is so young that you cannot step away at all and it would be a physical danger for your child to be alone, if you need a moment to walk around the block or close a door, or to do something for yourself to engage in self-care, by all means, take it. As we’re starting to open up the community a bit more, if you need to create a small cluster of families with whom your child spends some time so that you can find some space and time on your own, by all means safely create that space. It is a cardinal and critical component of your child being well that you are well.
We’ve all heard the mask analogy. We’ve all experienced times where our behaviors can impact those of our children. We know that. It’s not just a saying; we really need you to be well, first and foremost. The practice I would really recommend is just to find time for yourself to carve out your wellness so that you can be the best parent that you can be for your child.
Developmental psychologist, Parenting Program Director of the Greater Good Science Center
This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.
How Parents Can Support Their Transgender Teens
A new study shows that teens exploring their gender identity value simple acts of caring from their parents the most.
This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.
When teenagers confide that they are transgender or uncertain about their gender identity, their parents may be unsure how to offer support.
To understand what types of family support transgender adolescents consider helpful, a Stanford research team asked 25 of them for their thoughts. The team also interviewed the teens’ parents.
The actions teens said they valued most were among the simplest, the researchers discovered. Their findings were published in March in the Journal of Adolescent Health.
Teens said they most appreciated having parents use their preferred name and pronoun, as well as knowing that their parents were emotionally available and listening to their concerns.
The teenagers usually rated their parents as more supportive than the parents rated themselves, said Tandy Aye, M.D., associate professor of pediatrics at Stanford Medicine and a pediatric endocrinologist at the Stanford Children’s Health Pediatric and Adolescent Gender Clinic. Aye is the senior author of the study.
“Even when parents are thinking that there is tension over gender identity, that parent-child relationship is still super important,” said Aye. She spoke with Stanford Medicine News about her research.
Erin Digitale: Set the stage for this study. What was previously known about the value of family support for transgender children?
Tandy Aye: Kristina Olson, a researcher in Seattle, has studied how important family support is for young kids going through gender transition or who are gender-expansive, meaning their gender identity doesn’t fit neatly into traditional “boy” or “girl” categories. If they have a supportive family from the beginning, children who are transgender and gender-expansive don’t experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, or suicide compared with cisgender peers. Without family support, all those mental health risks increase substantially. And having family use a child’s preferred name and pronoun has been shown to be protective.
ED: What was new about your approach?
TA: In our study, we were trying to classify the commonalities in families that were supportive. No one had really looked at both perspectives—of transgender teens and of their parents—to see what support looks like.
We used a combination of closed-ended survey questions and open-ended interviews to get information about what parents and teens were thinking, saying, and doing at pivotal times during the teenager’s gender journey. We interviewed parents and adolescents separately; it was very important that we got their views independently.
Among those who seek care at our gender clinic, we meet all sorts of families, and as we were doing this study, we realized that there’s support and there’s acceptance, but they don’t always go hand in hand. Hopefully, support leads to acceptance. We hope we can use what we discovered to help families who are not initially supportive learn how to support their teens.
ED: What did teens tell you about the support they got from their families?
TA: The adolescents always rated their parents to be more supportive than the parents rated themselves. I think that’s surprising, since there can be times of tension between parents and children during adolescence; it is a hard time for anyone. Our finding just shows how much teens really value their parents.
When we asked each group what actions they saw as showing support, parents talked about taking their teen to the gender clinic, getting them connected to resources. But what the majority of adolescents wanted most was for parents just to use their preferred name and pronoun. That validated what another study had found.
Parents come to us worried about what a gender clinic would do, with lots of medical questions and concerns about taking those first steps toward the medical aspects of a gender transition. But we found that what adolescents want is just for their families to acknowledge that they’re exploring their gender. If you can use their preferred name and pronoun, it affirms that you support that exploration.
ED: You also talked with parents about their internal reactions. What did they say?
TA: We asked the parents: While you’re being supportive, what’s the struggle you’re having? I don’t think researchers have asked that of the families of transgender or gender-questioning adolescents before. We found that even parents who are being very supportive are still internally having an adjustment.
The things that were the hardest adjustments for them, interestingly, included using the child’s preferred name and pronoun. The child’s original name was the name that parents really thought about choosing before their child was born, and for the child to say that’s not their name anymore was often challenging for the parents. As to the pronoun, parents would say, “We’ve used it for so long.”
But most parents we spoke to were hiding their adjustment because they wanted to be perceived by their children as being as supportive as possible. I think this is a key takeaway from the study, especially for mental health providers. When the parents come in with their child and say, “Yes, we’re supportive,” it’s important to acknowledge what parents are experiencing and talk to parents about providing services for them, to help them process their own emotions.
ED: What takeaways from this study will be helpful for other families that you see in the Stanford Children’s gender clinic?
TA: When families come to us, they’re often thinking about hormones, surgery, and how difficult all those treatments at end of their child’s transition are going to be. Typically we bring parents back to the moment they’re in and ask, “Where is your child now? Where are you?”
Sometimes parents say, “We’re just having difficulty using the child’s preferred name and pronoun.” We talk about acceptance and ask them to just practice using the name and pronoun at home, and acknowledge to the family how important that support is to their teen. We also let them know that their teen may argue against them or shut down, but that the love they have for them is not forgotten, and it’s still very important to foster that relationship.
Our new research adds to the evidence that transgender adolescents’ perception of their parents’ support may be the key protective factor in the teens’ mental health. It’s that perception of support that parents want to nurture. What can you do? It’s things like offering a hug, being there to listen. These are things anyone can do. They are free and fully reversible, whatever path the teen takes in their gender journey. There are no medical side effects to listening and giving hugs, or trying your child’s preferred name and pronoun. It’s all about helping the teen fully explore who they are.
Pediatrics science writer in the Office of Communications, Stanford University
This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.
Kids want to learn more about mental illness and how to cope with parents who live with it
This article originally appeared on The Conversation
One in five teens has a parent with a mental illness such as anxiety or depression. These teens are at greater risk of developing a mental illness themselves.
And while they may be familiar with the day-to-day behavioral changes of their family member, they often don’t have access to accurate mental health information that can empower them and increase their ability to respond to mental illness stigma.
For nearly 30 years, I’ve researched the mental health information needs of children and teens who have a family member with mental illness. Study after study reveals that these young people don’t receive sufficient information — at home, school or online – about mental health and illness.
Many parents don’t talk with their children about their mental health disorders. Programs that increase teens’ ability to manage their emotions and interact well socially are on the rise in schools. However, schools severely lack funding, resources and staffing to provide structured lessons that cover the full range of mental health literacy. This includes common mental illnesses and treatments, mental illness stigma, coping with stress and seeking help for oneself or others.
Furthermore, young people with family mental health challenges are often overlooked by mental health providers who are responsible for treating their family member.
Children want help. For example, this study of kids ages 5-17 found that among children who know their parents take psychotropic medication, “there was an interest in knowing more about the medication purpose, regime and side effects.”
Our team recently completed a review of youth-targeted mental health websites that will be published in 2021. We found countries such as Australia and Canada have produced websites with information for individuals and families living with mental illness.
However, most of the content was written for those above the sixth-grade reading level needed for many teens, making it inaccessible. Furthermore, most countries – including the U.S. – do not have online resources addressing the needs of children of parents with mental illness.
After identifying this gap, we worked with colleagues to build new resources. Those include a mental health literacy program to teach children about mental illness as well as tools to measure their knowledge of mental health issues. We are now exploring ways to deliver the program online.
Most recently our team built the Mental Health Info for Teens website to provide accurate mental health information for teens. It was designed for those at an early sixth-grade reading level. American teens who have a family member with mental illness helped guide and review content development. This helped ensure the website matched their needs.
The website provides information for teens on the following four foundations of mental health literacy, which can help them cope when they face family mental health challenges.
1. Understanding mental illness
Identifying mental health disorders, symptoms and treatment is a key component of mental health literacy. This knowledge helps young people understand that symptoms, mood changes and other family dynamics are a result of the mental illness, not something they have done. For example, a teen whose father is diagnosed with bipolar disorder can understand that her father’s extreme mood swings and sudden changes in behavior are caused by his illness and can be treated and managed through a combination of medication and therapy.
2. Myths and stigma busting
Youths often believe that mental illnesses are rare, contagious and untreatable. These myths isolate children living with a family member with mental illness. They may fear what would happen to them if someone were to find out their family secret. Busting myths about mental illness reduces stigma and helps teens realize that many families – even celebrities – struggle with similar challenges.
3. Coping skills
Teenage years are often stressful. Teens are juggling academics, extracurriculars and social relationships. Family mental illness, though no one’s fault, can make these difficult years more stressful. Teens can build a personal plan to manage stress. For example, positive thinking, mindfulness and exercise can help them manage their thoughts, feelings and actions.
4. Seeking help
Teens with a family member with mental illness often find themselves taking care of others. It’s important for them to know where they can find help. Our website has a comprehensive list of resources, including links to crisis hotlines and tools to locate local mental health service providers.
We hope the website can provide a new resource toward increasing mental health information for teens, especially those with family mental illness.
Director of Doctoral Program and Associate Professor of Social Work, Michigan State University
Ph.D. Student, Michigan State University
This article originally appeared on The Conversation
Foster or Otherwise, Parenting is Parenting: Love, care, and try your best
Media content has the power to shape perceptions and views on a mass scale. Unfortunately, media portrayals of youth in foster care are often negative and perpetuate unhelpful stereotypes. In this special blog series, The Center for Scholars and Storytellers is exploring this topic from multiple perspectives to inform and inspire the creation of accurate, empowering, and socially responsible media portrayals of foster care.
Marianne Guilfoyle, Chief Innovations Officer at LA-based Allies for Every Child and a key foster care advisor to the Center for Scholars and Storytellers, often remarks: “If I had a nickel for every person who said they had considered being foster parents…” And she is right. It’s not that people haven’t considered fostering, it’s that they’ve never seriously considered it. And far too often, their reason is that they don’t think they could do it. Indeed, multi-racial, same-sex couple Ching-chu Hu and Jim Van-Reeth, who have adopted four children through the foster care system, say they constantly hear comments such as “Oh, I could never do that” or “You’re stronger than me!” Their thoughts on this? “We believe most people on the planet naturally have the necessary tools to be foster parents -- to love and nurture a child.” Positive media portrayal of fostering can play a large role in empowering people to see that they can indeed foster. We need to see more of these stories.
Another honest response they get from people interested in adoption are fears that adopting from the system is too “dangerous”, and international adoption will get you “safer” children with “less issues.” To this, Hu and Van-Reeth remark; “Children are amazingly resilient, and the issues we all face as parents are strikingly similar, whether a child is from the foster care system, international adoption, or is a biological child. The primary difference is that we came into it expecting challenges, whereas those with biological children may be caught off guard by difficulties if they arise.” Rich Valenza, founder of Raise a Child and himself a father of two children he adopted through the foster care system, echoed this sentiment, reflecting on how the conversations with other parents at school drop-off were often quite therapeutic. He noticed, “Whether raising your birth children or children through foster care, the parenting problems you face are pretty similar! You have expectations of what raising a child will be like, but the reality quickly sinks in for both scenarios that it’s often not the way you planned. You’ll never be fully prepared. You likely won’t hear “thank you for giving me an amazing life” from your foster children as you tuck them into bed, but it’s a safe bet that you won’t hear that from your birth children either.” Content creators should strive to show the parenting commonalities in raising children, from the struggles to the joys, regardless of how their children entered their lives.
But this is not to dismiss the trauma that foster children experience in leaving their home, and whatever difficult life they may have endured previous to entering foster care (or within foster care). And this needs to be appropriately reflected in media, too. Valenza is a proud proponent of family therapy and removing all associated stigma, “Whether you have birth or foster children, all families can benefit from therapy-- it needs to be seen as a bonus to your life, an education into yourself.” In addition to recruiting foster parents, Raise a Child makes an effort to continually support parents throughout the foster/adoption process. They are currently partnered with LA-based Allies for Every Child on a pilot program that provides extra support and training to remind parents, for instance, that when problems arise, “this is not about me, this is about the needs of the child.” Portraying counseling as normative in fictional media could go a long way in reducing the stigma of seeking professional help, both for parents and children.
One of the biggest lessons that Hu and Van-Reeth encountered over the years was learning, accepting, and supporting the perspectives of the foster children’s previous lives, and not judging the biological parents (who often grew up in similar situations). They explain, “No matter how horrific we may find their previous life, it was still their home, their reality, their “comfortable” environment. It is the lives they were used to, and anything different, no matter how safe, how loving, how supportive, is still different, unusual, and unfamiliar to their world. And it takes a lot of time and nurturing for them to trust a safe and loving environment.”
Worrying that a foster child you hope to adopt might be reunified with their birth family is another fear that can lead people to pursue private or international adoption instead. Indeed, Hu and Van-Reeth went through this in the most heart-wrenching way; “Losing our 18 month old son-who we had had since day one- to his birth parents who we knew were falling back into drugs, was the hardest moment in our fostering journey. Especially the fact that as foster parents we felt we had no voice, no “seat” at the judicial table. Those scars left indelible memories.” Ultimately, their son did end up returning back to their home, and is now adopted by the Hu and Van-Reeth. Those interested in fostering and adoption and those creating media about foster care should understand that there are different paths to take, depending on the long-term option desired, and the amount of potential heartbreak you are willing to risk. Media content can help by portraying all types of fostering, including:
A foster parent that just fosters with no intention of adopting (roles which are very much needed since reunification with the birth family is the primary goal for children entering into the foster care system.)
A foster/adoptive parent who takes in foster children who might become available for adoption (and therefore would adopt the child if it was a good fit), but the child could instead be reunified with their birth family.
An adoptive-only parent who will only take a child into their home if they are already classified as “adoptive,” meaning the birth parents have terminated their parental rights.
Finally, another reason people are hesitant to become foster parents is because they’re afraid they won’t be good enough, or they will mess up as a parent. But ultimately, as Velenza correctly puts it, “Worrying about being good enough parent is exactly what will make someone a good foster parent. This shows that they are conscious of their role, and it shows they care. And ultimately, that is what it takes.”
For foster parents, there are countless instances along the way that remind you you’re doing a great job. For Valenza, as his children get older he finds he gets immeasurable pride from seeing them thrive, and even beginning to realize and appreciate the work he does for the foster care community. As Hu and Van-Reeth reflect; “It’s the small things: it’s seeing them come out of their shells, adjusting, being nurtured, opening up, and giving a hug. It’s seeing them bring their defenses down, grow, and become stronger and more comfortable with the world around them. It’s giving them first-time experiences, whether that’s flying on a plane, going to a park, or even, shockingly, giving them breakfast.”
Actionable Insights
Write and cast realistic, everyday people as foster parents who aren’t perfect people, but care and are doing their best.
- Media that gets it right: Instant Family - the couple is refreshingly honest in their uncertainty and process to fostering, making them extremely relatable.
Show the similar joys and struggles that parents face, regardless of whether their children are biological, adopted internationally/privately, or from the foster care system.
Normalize seeking counseling and therapy, show how it is beneficial and healthy for the entire family.
Colleen Russo Johnson, PhD
Senior Fellow of the Center for Scholars & Storytellers
This blog series is supported in part by the UCLA Pritzker Center for Strengthening Children and Families.
Technology in Tandem: Designing for Joint Media Engagement
Technology in Tandem: Designing for Joint Media Engagement
“Daddy, what’s that?”
“Oh, that’s a walker – it helps people walk when they are a little unsteady. You remember when Grandma was in the hospital after her surgery? She used a walker to help her get around until her leg was feeling better. It looks like the beaver in the show is using a walker while he gets better too!”
There’s a common saying that kids are like sponges, soaking up everything around them. And it’s not wrong – kids can pick up a lot. But study after study shows that when it comes to media, like TV, apps, and ebooks, children can absorb the most when an adult uses the media with them. For example, one study conducted at the University of Delaware in the Child’s Play Learning and Development Lab, found that 4- and 5-year-olds understood an e-book’s story better after they read it with a parent than after “reading” it alone using the audio narration. Interactions like the one above probably explain why. Audio narration can read the story to the child, but only an adult can stop to define an advanced word, describe a picture, or relate the story to their child’s life.
But how much do children and parents use media together?
Despite everything we know about how “joint media engagement” can help children learn, the data show that most of children’s media use happens alone. Only about a third of parents say that they watch TV with their children all or most of the time and only one in five parents say that they use tablets with their child that often. Similarly, only a third of parents report watching online videos with their child most of the time, and less than one in five report playing video games with their child that often. Perhaps not surprisingly, these statistics differ by age: Joint media engagement is highest with younger children and drops off drastically as children get older, especially for tablets and smartphones.
The role of the media itself
Very few media properties encourage adults to use media with children. Although media creators are quite good at making shows and movies that are appealing to children, whatever makes media irresistable for a 4-year-old is not likely to make most adults swoon with delight. Think about parents in the 1990’s complaining about the songs from Barney or those in the 2000’s who couldn’t stand Caillou’s constant whining. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule. The beloved PBS show Sesame Street features celebrity appearances and humor that is likely to go way over kids’ heads but is targeted right at the parents who might be sitting on the couch with them. Even if they don’t intend to watch with their children, seeing, for example, Tiffany Haddish or John Legend might entice parents away from preparing lunch or scrolling through their email to check out what their child is watching.
Tablets and smartphones however, may be used even less with children because these devices are not geared towards two people using them together. It feels natural to sit on the couch next to your child to watch a TV show together, but when was the last time you jointly used an iPad? Research has shown that when children use a tablet they place it in their laps or in front of their face, making it more difficult to share. When children use media on a big screen in the living room, parents can walk by and easily see what their child is watching. Likewise, computers are oriented vertically and have a screen large enough to view over the child’s shoulder. Today’s devices are convenient for use on-the-go, but their smaller screens and handheld nature mean that parents may struggle to see what their children are watching. That makes it doubly difficult to engage casually and jointly with your child and the screen.
Rethinking media design for joint engagement
Here are some tips about how media creators can craft content that requires joint media engagement:
When a child opens an app, it could default into a two-player mode, prompting them to go find a parent to collaboratively reach a goal in the game.
Activities in apps could allow for multiple screen touches simultaneously, so that parents and children can both be engaging at the same time.
Create apps that allow children and parents to play together on multiple screens; for example, a child playing on a tablet in the kitchen could send a digital invitation to their parent’s smartphone in the living room.
Consider both children and parents in designing their content.
In the end, we all know that media is often used as an activity for children when parents need to complete other tasks, as a “babysitter.” But media can have many uses, and children gain much from the kinds of casual interactions around media described in the story of grandma’s walker above. Media creators should think creatively about how they can engage multiple generations so that both parents and children can have fun and learn from using media together.
Rebecca Dore
Senior research associate at the Crane Center for Early Childhood Research and Policy at The Ohio State University.
Collaborator of the Center for Scholars and Storytellers
Roberta Golinkoff
Professor of Education at the School of Education at the University of Delaware.
Collaborator of the Center for Scholars and Storytellers
Let Love Define Family: Portraying a Modern Generation of Foster Parents
Let Love Define Family:
Portraying a Modern Generation of Foster Parents
Media content has the power to shape perceptions and views on a mass scale. Unfortunately, media portrayals of youth in foster care are often negative and perpetuate unhelpful stereotypes. In this special blog series, The Center for Scholars and Storytellers is exploring this topic from multiple perspectives to inform and inspire the creation of accurate, empowering, and socially responsible media portrayals of foster care.
Just as there are many destructive stereotypes about youth in foster care, there are countless misperceptions of the type of people who become foster parents and their underlying motivations. From the perfect, savior, do-good foster couple, to the careless, mean foster parent who is only in it for the money, these unhelpful stereotypes prevent everyday people from seeing themselves as a foster parent, thus reducing the options for children waiting for a family. This is particularly problematic when it comes to media portrayals, as it helps to “see it to be it.” Indeed, in the previous post in this special foster care series, a foster parent noted how they are typically portrayed as either “perfect people” or “system milkers.”
Why is this critical? From talking to countless foster care professionals in the United States and Canada, it’s clear that their number one problem is a shortage of foster parents, particularly from minority groups. Therefore, we flagged this as one of the most important topics to communicate to content creators. Because media has immense power to influence behaviors, portraying foster parents and the motivations behind fostering in a relatable, positive, and realistic way could inspire viewers to consider being foster parents themselves. As Marianne Guilfoyle, Chief Innovations Officer at LA-based Allies for Every Child states, “Media has the ability to drive home the notion-- if not you, then who will answer the call to meet the need of the children in your community?”
More specifically, we need to reach and mobilize a new generation of foster parents. This is the mission behind the LA-based non-profit organization Raise a Child, where they are urging people to “reimagine foster parents.” I spoke with the organization’s founder, Rich Valenza, to learn more about his personal path to fostering and adoption, the goals of the organization, and the message he has for content creators. (Click here to see Valenza and his family featured as the first LGBTQ+ family featured on the annual CBS special, A Home for the Holidays.)
“At Raise a Child, our motto is, Let Love Define Family,” says Valenza. “There are no accidents or sudden decisions in fostering and adopting. You are planning a family and you chose those children. It’s truly a thing of love and acceptance, and it needs to be portrayed that way.”
Valenza suggests we need to “rebrand” what it means and looks like to be a foster parent. Indeed, today, more than ever before, there are countless new drivers for people to become foster parents and adopt through foster parenting. It is more than just heterosexuals couples who can’t conceive biologically who foster, and media content should reflect these modern realities. Foster parents range from same-sex couples wanting to build a family, to single men and women who don’t want to wait for a partner to start a family, to those who are environmentally conscious looking for a way to raise children without increasing their carbon footprint, to people driven by social justice who want to help elevate kids out of a repressive cycle to make a positive impact on thier community. As Ching-chu Hu and Jim Van-Reeth, multi-racial, well-educated, same-sex couple from Ohio who have adopted four children through the foster care system point out, “There is no more effective way to positively impact children and ultimately society as a whole.”
Speaking further to social justice, there are countless horrible circumstances for children around the world, and even in our own country, that often leave people feeling helpless. “People are justifiably outraged,” explain Hu and Van-Reeth. “Perhaps we can’t do anything about these things, but we can at least help out local children in the foster care system who are from broken homes and give them a fresh start. Helping out locally does positively affect the world.”
The system is also more progressive than some may think. For instance, Hu and Van-Reeth assumed that because they lived in a small, conservative town, they would have to adopt internationally. But during the adoption certification program, they noticed that representatives from the local county foster agency kept approaching them to chat. Being used to prejudice in other areas of their lives, they at first thought they were being further checked out to see if their motives to adopt were pure. It wasn’t until about halfway through the courses that they realized these agency workers were trying to convince them to work with the local foster care agency rather than adopt internationally. As they put it, “The foster care workers didn't see color or sexuality - they were simply evaluating based on capabilities.”
Similarly, going into the foster process Valenza expected to face some discrimnation as a single, gay man. Instead, leadership within LA County Foster Care quickly realized what an incredible foster father and advocate he was, and recruited him to help them encourage more people from the LGBTQ+ community to become foster parents -- the genesis of Raise a Child.
Actionable insights for content creators:
Depict relatable foster parents from a variety of backgrounds (e.g. race, culture, LGBTQ+) and family structure.
- Media that gets it right: A lesbian couple in The Fosters, An African-American couple in This is Us.
Include modern motivations for fostering. Examples include: single parents, same-sex parents, people driven by social justice and/or environmental reasons.
Colleen Russo Johnson, PhD
Senior Fellow of the Center for Scholars and Storytellers
This blog series is supported in part by the UCLA Pritzker Center for Strengthening Children and Families.
There’s More to the Picture: What the adults of Foster Care want content creators to know
“There’s More to the Picture”:
What the adults of Foster Care want content creators to know
Media content has the power to shape perceptions and views on a mass scale. Unfortunately, media portrayals of youth in foster care are often negative and perpetuate unhelpful stereotypes. In this special blog series, The Center for Scholars and Storytellers is exploring this topic from multiple perspectives to inform and inspire the creation of accurate, empowering, and socially responsible media portrayals of youth in foster care.
“I think most people don't really understand why someone would want to be a foster parent. They don't understand the positive effects a foster parent can have on a child and their birth family, and what they get back (emotionally) in return.”
When we think of foster care, we immediately picture children and teens. But for every youth in care, there are many adults directly attached, including birth parents, foster parents, and social care workers. So when we look at foster care portrayals in fictional media, it is critical to take a holistic look that includes how the adults within the system are depicted. To do so, we sought feedback from two foster parents (one male, one female) and two foster care professionals (both females in leadership roles at foster care agencies).
Can fictional media persuade (or dissuade) adults from becoming foster parents?
According to all four respondents, the answer is a resounding yes. But, it does go in both directions. One respondent stated that they believe the negative images in the media have contributed to the difficulty of recruiting foster parents, whereas the foster Dad said it was actually a positive portrayal of foster care in fictional media that initially inspired him to become a foster parent (he specifically noted the CBC special “A Home for the Holidays” and ABC’s “The Fosters”.)
It is difficult for people not involved with the foster care system to understand the motivations for becoming a foster parent. As one respondent stated, “There are some that think foster parents are doing it just for the money. I think most people don't really understand why someone would want to be a foster parent. They don't understand the positive effects a foster parent can have on a child and their birth family, and what they get back (emotionally) in return.”
The two men featured in our previous blog who were formerly in foster care noted additional motivations they perceived for adults wanting to become foster parents, including: feeling bad about the large number of children in care, wanting to help nurture a child while in retirement, a desire for children but an inability to have biological kids, or because they themselves were in foster care. To that point, one of the former foster youth said he would absolutely consider being a foster parent one day, saying “I was blessed to have been adopted to a loving family and I know the feeling of lost hope. Returning the favor or more importantly having the power to change someone’s life for the better is the ultimate dream”.
Unfortunately, misunderstandings regarding the type of people who become foster parents seep into media content, and can dissuade people from wanting to explore fostering. Indeed, another respondent noted how foster care parents are often represented as either “perfect people” or “system milkers”, which just further drives inaccurate stereotypes and prevents viewers from seeing themselves in those roles. Instead, foster care parents want to be “portrayed as multidimensional, from varied backgrounds and economic classes, motivated by caring for kids in care”, and “regular people who desire to help a child in need”.
When media gets it right. The movie “Instant Family” does a terrific job of showcasing “regular people” who decide to foster for a variety of reasons. The film honestly depicts the rollercoaster of emotions, including realistic doubt in their decision to foster. By portraying a relatable, imperfect, but well-intentioned couple, viewers are more likely to see themselves in that situation and consider becoming foster parents.
Overcoming the “evil child snatcher” trope of social workers
Social care workers have one of the most difficult jobs. One respondent mentioned how they are unfortunately part of an overall “failed system”, making their job seemingly impossible at times. Indeed, they are working within a confusing system, in rapidly changing and high-intensity situations. But our respondents noted that the general public really lacks an understanding of what foster care social workers actually do, other than “remove children from their homes”, and simply classify it as a “very difficult job that they themselves would not want to do”. This does not encourage people to enter the job, and media portrayals certainly do not help. Social care workers are often depicted as evil child snatchers or overly do-gooders that few can relate to. The reality is that they are well-intentioned, trained professionals who care about the well-being of children. It’s important that content creators capture this difficulty while still portraying social workers that have a good relationship with the foster youth in their care.
When media gets it right. The social care worker depicted in season three of the television drama “This Is Us” impressively captures the highs and lows of the job, and showcases the benefit of trust built between a worker and child in care.
Working towards a more compassionate lens on birth parents
Media portrayals of birth parents rarely stray from the stereotypes of, as one respondent explained, “bad people who have done horrible things to their children and don’t deserve the chance to make things right or parent their children ever again”, or simply put by another respondent, “awful people”.
The truth is, more often or not, these are people who have had a hard life and a spout of bad luck. Many people live paycheck to paycheck and could also easily fall into a difficult situation. Furthermore, the disease of addiction can become so overpowering that it consumes them and prevents them from being the parent they want to be at that time. They are flawed people, just like everyone.
Our respondents all expressed a desire to see birth parents shown in a more compassionate light. One respondent noted wanting to see them as less pathologized and caricatured. Another said “birth parents are often people with mental health issues, substance abuse problems, who come from their own dysfunctional families, and did not set out to hurt their children. They may not be able to parent them, but they do love them. And it is possible for people to change.” Another mentioned that “most birth parents do not intend to hurt or neglect their children, they over discipline for a myriad of reasons, they are addicted to drugs or homeless because they were barely making it to begin with and had an event that tipped the scales.”
When media gets it right. Season three of “This Is Us” depicts this nuanced role of a birth mother perfectly, showing the desire to be the mom both she (and her daughter) wanted her to be, but doomed by many factors including her own rough upbringing, addictions, and bad partners. Through it all, however, you could see that the love and admiration she had for her daughter was genuine.
Actionable insights for content creators:
Foster parent portrayal: Show relatable characters from a variety of backgrounds (including race, economic, sexual orientation, and cultural). Don’t shy away from them asking taboo questions that potential foster parents might have. Show a realistic experience of the foster parent experience-- the ups and the downs-- but strive for an overall positive outlook.
Social worker portrayal: Make an effort to show individuals who truly care about the child’s well being, and are doing their absolute best working in an extremely complex and sometimes failed system.
Birth parent portrayal: Avoid falling into stereotypes. Give the character the depth and compassion deserved that explains why he or she ended up in this position.
Colleen Russo Johnson, PhD
Senior Fellow of the Center for Scholars and Storytellers
This blog series is supported in part by the UCLA Pritzker Center for Strengthening Children and Families.
Upcoming foster care blog posts in this special series to explore:
Foster parent perspective, and how to encourage more
Features on media that “gets it right”